Hi there

I haven't been feeling too good of late, I'm guessing that I'm having a mood swing or something rather like it. i don't how to describe it well enough , but it's kinda like a depression, i have just felt rather miserable during the past week, and to be honest i don't even know why i do. Maybe it's the sudden change in my diet or my exercise regime. I'm hoping i cheer up again soon, i was on a happy plateau for a short while. I would like to apologize to anyone i have spoken too if i have come across as a weirdo. I think I'll cheer up again soon.

I'm currently back in Gloucester, being absolutely knackered as a result of the two hour train journey, i really had to rest when i got back, which was quite strange of me considering I'm usually quite the energetic type. I was quite happy to be back considering that i had been from the lovely Glos for quite a few weeks, i actually missed it alot while i was back on the base. truth be told, there is no place like home is there?

I really wonder sometimes what i would see if i was external to myself. and though this view is entirely impossible as it would require me to be someone entirely different, with different would i see the Gerwyn i wanted to see, would i be bitterly disappointed by the person the truth revealed? some times i really need to stop reflecting so deeply, it's beginning to bring me down. I get really paranoid sometimes and it just sinks me, i need to calm down, I'm gonna be fine? wont i? I think the people around me on base, bring me down sometimes.

i guess that there is some good news at times, I'm really looking forward to the end of the next week ahead, if i can survive it without any work drama, I'll be a happy puppy I'm really looking forward to spending sometime on Friday with my lovely girlfriend and my amazing mates, both of whom i miss dearly. It's quite strange to say this, but i really don't like the RAF lads that i live with, it's such a relief to be with the people that you love.

could anyone teach me to be more assertive? i feel so inadequate sometimes, i just wish i could fight my corner sometimes, and stop being the doormat. I guess nice people do finish last...

I'm awfully sorry if this has come out in a strange emotional ranty type of journal entry, but i really don't have a way to express my feelings at this time, I'm a bit down, and this is the best way to get it off my chest really.

Take care...